Resolutions: or how to fail in life in one simple step

Maybe it's the time of the year.

Something about the new year tends to lead us to think about improving ourselves. I don't know if it is a recent societal construct, or something that has been around for longer than that. To be fair, it seems fairly arbitrary. But I suspect that, in some form or another, the idea of taking time to reflect and consider how one can change or improve isn't necessarily a new thing. As humans, we often seem to want some outside force to influence us, to push us to something different. Perhaps to help us be better or different or something, than we already are. 

I hate New Year's Resolutions. I think they are trash. They are bad and should feel bad. I never remember liking them. Every January, my parents would ask us to sit around and come up with our resolutions for the year. Often, we would make a family related list of them, in addition to our personal resolutions. They would be written down somewhere, typically a journal that would barely be opened until the next January.  And then we had the opportunity to reflect on our failures. On all the ways in which we didn't accomplish a single one of the damnable items on our list. 

Because the entire idea of year-long resolutions is shit. 

Here is the thing. If you make the resolution “big” enough to really be worth setting it for an entire year, it is too big. You will fail. You will become overwhelmed, or fall short in some way, or just not be able to get there.  But if you make the resolutions small enough they are actually attainable, you will be done with them long before a year is up. 

So it is a catch 22. On the one hand, the goals are too large to be realistically achievable. Maybe not all of them, but the majority at least. Or they are too small to really be worth calling a year-long resolution.  Then we beat ourselves up. We stew in our failure, we struggle to see the successes because we didn't hit some arbitrary ideals we set for ourselves. 

Enter the yearly theme. I can't take any credit for this idea. That belongs to others. But I can honestly say that it is an idea that, in contrast to the idea of resolutions, excites me and motivates me to be better.  See, the theme creates context for our activities over the course of a year. It doesn't dictate what we do, it isn't that proscriptive. But it gives us a frame of reference. When considering smaller goals and activities, we can ask if they are consistent with our theme. If so, great. If not, we can then ask ourselves if they are still worthy of our time and effort. They may be, and that is great. However, if not, we have an opportunity to decide if we need or want to change our course. 

We can then set smaller, actually achievable goals. They don't need to last a year long. If they, in some way, pertain to our theme, then we can justify the time and energy spent on them as working toward our theme of the year.  Personally, I find this is much more productive and positive. It creates a mental environment that allows us to focus on the successes we have, no matter how small. Because each one of those successes has meaning. Each one has value. They are all part of our theme. 

This capacity to focus on our victories, on our successes, no matter how big or small they are, puts us in a frame of mind that is on the lookout for success. And the more we are programmed to look for success, the more grateful we become, the more positive we become, and the more willing we are to work toward success because we know we can, and have, achieved it. Our mindset becomes cyclically positive. 

But, perhaps just as important, maybe even more so, it creates a healthy environment in which we can reflect upon our failures. The truth is, there will be times when we fail far more than we succeed. If we have that buffer of success, that ability to, in a healthy and productive fashion, see both success and failure, recognize them and accept them, we are equipped to overcome the failures. We are prepared to learn from them, not run from them.  Reflection on both aspects is what, ultimately, gives us the power to improve ourselves.

We are more honest with ourselves, and are more willing to accept what is because we are consistently working toward what can become. We become less afraid of failure because, by recognizing it, we understand that it is part of the process.  And what could be more healthy than realizing that success and failure are two sides of the same coin? That is where I believe we find true happiness. That is where we can start to accept who we truly are, and not be afraid of working toward improvement. 

Making ourselves more than what we currently are is frightening. But it becomes much less so when we embrace the process and have a vision that is bigger than the day to day, while still incorporating the small moments. Those are what make up the whole, and the theme encompasses all of that, empowering us to make progress.  So, down with resolutions. Up with themes that contextualize the day to day little victories and failures that make up every day life.

Because, in the end, those small moments are truly what make us who and what we are.